BY DIANE C. LANE – STAFF WRITER

Do you ever get used to changing the diaper of the woman who once diapered your babies?  How do you deal with not knowing how to cook a simple meal when you used to be a company CEO? What should you say when your wife, afflicted by Alzheimer’s disease, asks you to have sex every time you visit her in the nursing home?

Like anyone tending to a family member with a debilitating medical condition, male caregivers face hard challenges.  But experts are beginning to recognize men may face those challenges in different ways than women and require different kinds of help.

“There are some men who are going to feel uncomfortable talking about their issues in mixed (company),” said Dale Bruhn, 88, of Delray Beach, who runs the men only support group offered by the Alzheimer’s Association Southeast Florida Chapter. 

Bruhn knows about the walls men put up from personal experience.  He began suffering mock heart attacks from the stress in caring for his wife at home for seven years; she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when she was only 60.  He kept insisting he was fine, a trait shared by many male caregivers, Bruhn said, raised to believe the boys don’t cry.

If you want to read the entire article log on line SunSentinel.com Sunday May 5, 2013.

Nancy Marrale is still with us and doing the same great job she has done since starting with Anna, a great love and bond has been created between them.

We were fortunate to hire Lori Dalby (Dental Assistant) for part time work on week-ends from 6:30 A. M. To 12:00 P.M.  She started middle of April and is still with us, she has started bonding with Anna to the point that Anna allows her to floss her teeth which is great for her Hy-Gene.  She also dresses Anna every Saturday and Sunday morning and on Sundays we all go out for breakfast.

Anna is off all memory medication and still on 2 prescriptions for Thyroid and Osteoporosis also is on vitamin supplements.  Since being off the medication she is more alert and conversational.  Anna will be celebrating her 88^th birthday on May 17, 2013.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA

ARTICLE FROM THE SUN SENTINEL NEWS PAPER 5-5-2013

The post Guys who Care appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

October has been a trying month with Anna’s Condition becoming deeper into her illness that triggered a new evaluation to cope with the current level.

It started on a Friday (which is my golf day) I bring Anna to Day Care on Wednesday and Friday @ 7:30 A.M. and proceed one exit up off the Interstate to my Golf Club.  There I enjoy being away from my chores and gives me a change to relax.  I have lunch at the club and usually pick up Anna @ 1:00 PM.  This particular Friday I could not get Anna out of bed, I kept trying every fifteen minutes attempting leave @ 7:00 A.M. which is the time necessary to arrive at my Club in time for tee off.  Unfortunately I was unable to accomplish this; I called to cancel Day Care and my golf date.

In every Caregivers life it is very important to have leisure time this promotes better health for the caregiver and enables them to function at a level that is conducive with the everyday care that they provide.

To enable me to continue golfing I would need to have coverage starting @ 6:30 A.M. I starting with the newspaper seeking to find an aide that would be willing to start @ 6:30 A.M. and work until 2:30 PM.  I got real lucky and found an Aide seeking a position.  The date was Monday October 15^th; I called the Aide and arranged an interview early noon.  It seems all prayers that my family and friends asked for were answered.

I was able to accomplish a complete back-round check to be sure that all credentials including a criminal back-round were acceptable.  Once cleared Nancy reported for work on October 16th @ 6:30 A.M.

Nancy has a nursing back-round and has provided a service to me that I have not been able to experience before.  She provides all medical service for Anna and has bonded in the short time she has been with us very nicely.  In addition to this she provides housekeeping chores on her own.  It does not get any better than this.  My hope is that she will stay on as long as necessary.

To all  Caregivers, do your due diligence when hiring people to work in your home, although they pass all early tests  you must still keep your guard up to be sure they continue working with your patient at the level you expect and not get into a position that will enable them to do any harm physically or criminal.

The post Update Anna’s Condition: appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

I felt that Anna was not getting the care she needed and deserved and I decided that I had to take her out of the home on a full-time basis. Maybe my expectations were too high after all I was taking care of my wife full time and know the care she deserves. I needed to do this quickly but didn’t want to burn bridges as my plan was to  use the facility on a short term basis if I became ill for any length of time. I didn’t want to leave on bad terms but I couldn’t see spending too many more days there.   When I first interviewed with the admissions department it was on the basis of “respite” short term stay they have a minimum of five days and you have to notify them a week in advance which would not be conducive to someone needing a bed quickly.   I intent to explore other options with other facilities on a respite bases that are in the same area.

I have mixed feeling on the whole experience. In some ways placing a loved one in a nursing home could be a good thing especially if she seems happy and well adjusted. Maybe my thoughts on what care should be are different from how the system works. The nursing home was very nice and did respond to my feedback during our short stay but I don’t want to see her take any steps backwards in her health or abilities. I just feel that I can care for her better and can use a nursing home in the event I can’t take care of her.

The post Nursing Home Dilemma appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

Before visiting Anna it was a must to see the Administrator, Admissions, Account payable and the Care Plan Coordinator.  I wrote a letter to the Administrator advising that I made up a Care Plan for Anna and would like to go over the plan with her and also other questions I had.  I was attempting to have Anna in the facility for five days Monday through Friday and I would bring her home with me on Friday noon and return her either Sunday evening of Monday A.M.   The administrator said she would have to contact corporate and did not hold out much hope for that to happen.  I proceeded to contact Accounts Payable to determine how they invoiced me so I could prepare to invoice my Insurance Company.  When I visited the Care Plan Coordinator I was surprised that she all ready received a copy of the care plan from the Administrator and would discuss it further when we meet for a conference 3:00 PM Thursday to go over the entire care program for Anna.

I proceeded to the third floor to visit Anna she was all dolled up and that was a plus I finally witnessed results from my continued efforts to have this become a reality.  We walked to the elevator and down to the first floor lounge and patio area sat for one hour relaxing and enjoying our time together.  I brought Anna back to the third floor at 10:45 A.M. kissed her and left for home.

The post Fighting Nursing Home appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

I was amazed at how she looked when I arrived in the A.M. to pick her up. She was vibrant looking, had lipstick and rouge on and her hair was combed and teased. It seems like everything  at the nursing home was beginning to reflect what I had asked for the night before with the Administrator and the Supervisor of Nurses.  Apparently they left instructions Friday evening to give Anna the attention I had requested and she deserved.

Anna seemed very happy to be with me and as she entered the car she said “this is my car.” I responded, jokingly, ” It certainly is, except I own half with you.”  We arrived home in ten minutes and I unloaded the car and stored the items from shopping.  Anna did not have breakfast so I served her a cup of tea and half of blueberry muffin and she consumed it all by herself without help.  We both lounged around in the living room and our aid was cleaning the dishes and the entire apartment plus a two week accumulation of laundry.  Everything was coming together and seemed like old times even though it was just a week that Anna was in the nursing home.

Lunch was served at 11:30 A.M. and Anna enjoyed one third of a hoagie sub that we cooked up sausage onions and Swiss cheese. I  watched T.V. until dinner time and Sheila our aid showered Anna and I had asked her to let me know if there were any issues that she could find on Anna’s body.  There were minor black and blue marks on her behind and also a pretty bad rash Sheila applied desitin ointment to the area and put her housecoat on and we relaxed till about 4:00 PM and start cooking dinner.  We all enjoyed the T-bone steak with all the trimmings.  Sheila cleaned up the dining room and kitchen dressed Anna and we left at 5:45 PM to return Anna to the Nursing Home.  She was vibrant and looked as pretty as ever Sheila brushed her hair applied lipstick and rouge.

We arrived at the Nursing hope at 5:50 and Sheila Anna and I entered the facility I showed Sheila the lounge area downstairs where I sit with Anna on the first floor when I visit each day.  We then proceeded to the third floor and the hard part arrived we had to leave Anna she asked if I was staying and it broke my heart to tell her I was going downstairs to see a staff member and would return shortly.

The bus stop was right in front of the facility and Sheila waited on the bench and I waved good bye to her as I headed home. I documented the issues we found with Anna for future use to advise the staff and watched T.V. until I retired for the night.

The post Alzheimer’s Disease Good Days appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

I brought Anna from the activity room to her sleeping quarters and started to undress her.  I found that she had soiled her diaper and was wet.  I was attempting to change her diaper with a fresh one and Dr. Newton entered the room and advised me he was there to write up a report as to why Anna was at the facility.  He said it would only take a few minutes and that ended about one half hour later.  In the meantime I was unable to remove the soiled diapers as Anna was in a Sundown Mode and was sticking to her mind set that she was not going to have me remove the diaper.  Over the years I learned not to force debate or argue with a dementia patient and it is to no avail and the patient can be hurt physically if you attempt to force the issue.  She demanded in her own way to have the clothes she was originally wearing to be put back on her, I accomplished that  and now that the Elks was not going to happen, I had to notify the Aid to order her dinner again.

However, I was so despondent with the way she looked that I made a decision to check her out of the facility, bring her home, and forget having her in the nursing home.  Dr. Newton was still there at the main desk and asked me to check with a supervisor on the first floor.  I was fortunate the Administrator had not left for the day, she welcomed me into her office, contact the head of nursing to sit with us and discuss my situation.  I advised her (as I had advised the nurse on duty Thursday, I felt Anna was not receiving the care she needed).  The Administrator made notes of all the issues I spoke about and asked me to leave Anna for another week and they would address all the issues and see that they were implemented.

Feeling a little better about the situation, I returned to the dining/activity room, low and behold Anna was sitting there not eating her dinner.  There was only one aid in the dining room attempted to feed at least 15 patients that I counted.  I sat there and waiting to witness when they were going to feed all the other patients that could not feed themselves and need assistance.  Apparently, the Aid noticed me sitting out of the way observing everyone waiting to be fed.  She went to Anna within a few minutes and proceeded to feed her and Anna ate 75% of the food and drink.   I then brought Anna down to the first floor and did not use the wheelchair as I felt she needs to the exercise and every little helps keep her muscles toned. I returned Anna to the third floor activity room at 6:30 PM, kissed her and I am going to attempt to pick her up Saturday A.M. and bring her home for lunch and dinner and return her about 6:30 PM.

I made notes of all of the above and I was notified by the Care Plan Coordinator that we have a meeting scheduled on Thursday at 3:00 PM 7-26-12.  You can bet that my list will be very long on how I feel they should coordinate care for Anna , as up to now it is unacceptable and I aim to solve it or discharge her, bring her home and start a slow process of attempting to find a facility the is more conducive to her needs or forget nursing homes and keep her at home long term.

The post Frustrations with Alzheimer’s appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

I met with Sherienna, the R.N. in charge of the third floor. She was very polite and knowledgeable, however after I discussed the following issues with her, she was not aware of how many of the daily nursing home routines were not being accomplished.

I started with early morning, I investigated Anna’s room on Wednesday and found that the toothbrush and toothpaste were not being used; I asked Sherienna if they have an alternative method of brushing her teeth each morning and each night before bedtime.  I also found the bottle of Listerine unopened and still sealed, I informed her that each morning and before bedtime I would have Anna gargle with Listerine.

Shower: I asked how many times a week they would shower Anna, she responded three times per week, I asked when she misses the bathroom and soils her diaper it she showered up she said on of the Aids would clean her thoroughly before we place a new diaper on her.

Lipstick & rouge: I advised that the lipstick was being used and I found the cap off the rouge container, it appears that the aid was only using the rouge.  I requested that each morning they have Anna apply the lipstick and they have to apply the rouge.

Diaper: I had left a container of Powder to be used with each change of diapers, I could not find the powder so I brought a new container Thursday and asked when changing diapers please apply powder to the diaper.

Medicines: I went over the entire medical chart (excel spreadsheet) that I left several copies with the nurse on duty on admittance.  I found they tweaked the list to some degree and would monitor her for any additional changes that would be needed.  I had weaned Anna off the Alzheimer medication that she had been using for 6 years as while she was at home her appetite abated to the point she lost about twelve pounds, and also was have a hard time with diarrhea.  I introduced Miralax, 1 cupful with ginger ale every other day, this restored her appetite and no bad B.M.’s she was going on her own.  Sherienna said they were not using the Miralax but my idea was good and they would start using it, monitor and increase or decrease how many times they apply the dose.

Black & Blue marks on both arms, I asked Sherienna to document and advised all concerned in handling Anna that they are not to force her into a wheelchair or bed by having to handle her by the arms with enough pressure to create black and blue marks.  She agreed that was unacceptable and would advise all concerned to not handle her in this way.

I was very satisfied with Sherienna accepting my advice, I thanked her for listening and acting on my suggestions.  Went to the activity room where I found Anna in the corner playing with a doll that she kept calling her baby and doting on the doll.  It was about lunch time Anna and I went down to the main dining room for lunch.  I left for home @ 1:30 PM – did my usual chores and administrative work on the computer.  Arrived at the facility @ 4:00 PM brought Anna down to the lounge area on the first floor, met some nice people from Ohio that were visiting their Dad that had broken him arm and was a patient on the second floor receiving therapy.

4:45 we left for the dining room and had dinner.   I left the facility @ 6:30 PM and returned home, did some minor chores and watched T.V.

The post Nursing Home Routines appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

The post Nursing Home Care appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

At 7:30 A.M. I left for church, mass begins @ 8:00 A.M.   Anna & I always sat in the first row pew and were greeted all the time by other parishioners.  When they stopped by to greet me the first question was where is Anna.  I was still in shock from Saturday and was in no condition to get into lengthy conversations, was all choked up, but answered with a choked up voice that she was in a nursing home.  It was a very difficult task to continue answering our friends, however, it had to be done and I was praying for a fast mass so I could get to see Anna as I was very apprehensive about how she was handling the transition.Mass ended @ 8:45 A.M. and I bolted as fast as I could to drive to the nursing home without speeding.  I arrived @ 9:00 A.M. signed in and went to the third floor to greet Anna.  I was very satisfied and happy that she looked very good and seemed to be in control and not sad.  I asked her how she liked the new surroundings and said it was a nice place and she liked it.  We proceeded to leave the third floor and down to the first floor to our favorite spot in the lounge area.

Sunday is the day all my children call us, Gail called and she was anxious to know how Ma handled the first day, I said it looked to me very well.  Both our emotions abated after this good news.  I also spoke with my Son Stephen and Joseph and discussed the situation with both of them.

I returned home about 11:30, prepared dinner, and then watched sports for about 6 hours until sixty minutes was due @ 7:00 P.M.   Retired about 10:30 A.M. and it seemed like everyone’s prayers were answered.

The post Finding a Routine appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.

We arrived Saturday A.M. @ 8:30 A.M., met Fernando the supervisor on duty, together we unloaded my vehicle and signed in then proceeded to the third floor, Anna was assigned Room 319A.  I stayed on for about half and hour and was emotionally upset and had to leave.  When I entered my vehicle and sat at the driver’s seat I emotionally lost it, cried uncontrollable for 10 minutes before I could leave the parking lot.

Arrived home, my daughter Gail and Son-In Law Jack  asked me to call when I returned home.  Unfortunately I broke down speaking with them and the three of us were on a crying jag that lasted for a short period of time.  I explained that I have no idea how she was going to react to the new surroundings and would see her Sunday A.M.

It was the longest day of my life waiting for Sunday morning to see my sweetheart Anna, all day I was wrestling with the idea of canceling the nursing home and go there to take her home. I kept talking myself out of that option.  Gail and Jack were calling me all day and night Saturday to check on me and asked me to call if I was ready to make the decision to take Anna home I had no appetite all day long and prepared lunch and dinner and wound up discarding most of the food.

Watched T.V. all evening and about 10:30 retired to my bedroom, it was impossible to sleep and at 1:00 A.M. I decided to lie down on my living room couch, it is an old stand by and it worked.  I slept on the couch until 4:00 A.M. woke up and did chores around the house and in on my computer and readied myself for Church 8:00 A.M. Mass.

I intend to monitor the care giving for Anna at the nursing home and make necessary suggestions, I  made clear at admissions I was going for a trial basis of 7 days and will extend if all goes well.

In my next article I will recap my experience on Sunday 7-15-12.

I have dealt with Anna’s illness since she was first signs appeared in the year 2000, and now after twelve and one half years I was forced to admit her into a nursing home.  This is the first of articles you will receive giving you hands on information on how to deal with admitting your loved one into a facility.  It will be the most important, very emotional decision you will have to make, probably in your lifetime.  That is how it was for me.

The post Alzheimer’s stages appeared first on My Spouse and Alzheimers.